Today was one of those days...

Today was one of those days where clarity came in a flash!

How many days in our lives can we say that clarity of something that has been eluding us for so long, comes in a flash?

For those of you with flashes of brilliance, you may have many days like this.

But for me, today was a miracle.

I feel so blessed to be able to take the things that are weighing on my heart, and gain an understanding that I never had before.

I was touched by people around me who probably had no idea the impact they were having on me.

A sister who was willing to listen, a stranger who smiled while reminding me of promises, and longtime friends who said just the right thing to calm my heart.

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who reminds me that I am important to him.

I am one of His daughters.

I am one of His children.

And he loves me...no matter what.

After letting go of things that aren't in my control, and feeling a peace that I haven't felt in a long time, I came home and witnessed this.

I watched as John mowed the entire property with Tymber safely tucked in his lap, singing "I'm yelling timber..." in her ear.

I love their smiles, and I hope I will never forget how I felt feeling my Heavenly Father touching my life, and watching Tymber's earthly father touching her life.

Life is a gift.

Nothing is guaranteed, but if we trust in the Lord, it will all work out!

Countdown until Christmas...

The calendar is filled until Christmas, but I just want to take a moment and freeze this picture in my mind.

The one that is making my heart swell as my eyes start to tear.

This is it.

The last, week before Christmas, I will probably ever have with all seven children living under one roof.

We are going to make it a great one!

Tonight, we have our North Pole Party, which I can hardly contain myself over because I am so excited!

There are big things, and little things, not all listed here, but I love that the calendar is crowned with endless holiday treasures from Annie.

You see, life is about the living of each moment.

But, the moment takes wishing, dreaming and usually a little planning.

I took a little tumble last week when I was in New York City, and my mortality shake up has been sweet and tender, (and accompanied by a constant headache,) but I wouldn't change a thing.

I have always known what is really important, and I have always tried to put those things front and center in my daily life.

But I sure do love the feeling of holding little Tymber in my arms as we read every single Dora book we own, or the look on Annie's face as she "surprises" me with another holiday craft hidden in her bottomless backpack, and those quiet moments when Madie wants a back rub, or Ellie just needs a hug.  I love hearing my boys wrestle in the basement, and tell each other about their day over a secret stash of food they have smuggled in.  Or John's tired smile as he walks in each night.

I love it all.

I always have.

But a little brain bleed can really make your heart feel swollen!

Happy Holidays to all!!

Beginning the "lasts"...

This was Tymber on the way home from church yesterday.

Sound asleep.

Nothing would wake her.

Even as her siblings poured out of the hot car making dibs on the microwave for a quick lunch to fill their bellies...she slept.

Life has been a lot like this lately.

Living every minute to the fullest and then not being able to keep my eyes open.

It was an amazing summer full of memories that will keep, moments I never want to forget and the beginning of the "last" times we will be all together under one roof.

I don't want to miss a thing, and I don't want to forget either, so I am going to try my best to put it all here.  The good and the bad.  The setbacks and the triumphs.

I have played all summer and not gotten the pics up and the feelings documented, so here is to balance.

Living this amazing life with a family I am blessed to lead and love, and taking the time to get it all down, so they will never forget this time.

18 years ago it was a hot August, John and I were playing in a co-ed softball game and we were anticipating becoming parents.

I would never have imagined then, under the lights at the Castle Rock ballfields, that years later I would be planning and living that boy's last year in our home.

I would never have been able to imagine the prayers that would be poured out on my knees for that boy in my belly.  The prayers that he would be able to see what he could become.  The prayers that he would not become distracted with things that would take him away, even for a minute, from the path he was born to pursue.

I am so blessed to be a mother to this crew of 7.  I can do this.  We tell the kids all the time that "we do hard things."  But this may be the hardest...letting go.

Off to embrace the present.

We miss you Gabby...but dream of someday!

Instagram picture of the month...My beautiful children celebrating the memory of their little sister, Gabrielle.

Even as I posted this picture that sweet day, I would have no idea how the whole day would play out.

We went with daisies in hand, wrapped in ribbon by Ellie, to be together where her tiny body lay.

But when we arrived, just pure sweetness greeted us.

Not sadness.

Just the quiet of a peaceful day.

The girls and Easton wandered around sharing stories they read off the other gravestones nearby. 

Stories of short lives of real little ones with family that missed them.

There were babies that were here for months, a few that shared a year with their families, but most just one day.

The perfectly engraved stones bore a name and one date.

The day their little one came here to earth...the same day their spirit went home.

Not to a home full of the smell of newly laundered baby clothes and patterned blankets.

Not to the home with the bassinet sitting empty by the bed of loving parents.

But their home above.

That is where our sweet Gabrielle is...usually.

But not today.

July 26th, this year, was filled with a day of sharing time with her here with us in spirit.

There were signs of her everywhere.

We felt her everywhere.

We missed her.

We love you Gabby!

 These two pictures were taken within seconds of each other.

Did not change the setting on the camera.

Did not turn on the flash.

Just heaven, right here with us, sharing the picture with us.

 My favorite picture of the day!

Look at her gentle hand on the hand of that big sister.

Pure joy!

 As we loaded up in the car, Annie wandered back over to Gabby's bench.

She was fixated on the silver burial box, and would not leave the flowers on the bench.

She wanted them as close to her sister as possible, so she took them and laid them below.

It was beautiful.

And real.

I am grateful for this beautiful family that I have.

The ones who challenge me every day, and the ones I miss everyday.

The ones I get the opportunity to nurture every day, and the ones I will nurture someday.

Most of all, I am grateful for the opportunity to be together forever!

Tiny Tym, Tymmie Two Step...Tymber Julia

The time is flying by!

I wish everything would just slow down, so that I can literally breathe in these moments of being a mother of this 1 year old, and all the other ones that love on her each day.

I love recording our life, but I get too caught up making sure the pictures are loaded, edited, and all-inclusive.

I am missing it.

The opportunity to record our life each day.

So, here is to capturing our life.  Raw. Unedited. And maybe sometimes without the perfect pic.

I have a dear friend moving away today, so I want to send her off with memories of her life here, but today I'm sharing Tymber's latest obsession of wearing Annie and Ellie's panties to be a "Big Girl."

She is a big girl.  Too big.  She knows too much, and not quite enough to know to watch out for nails on the ground (yesterday's adventure).

I love the layers.  Each one showing how she methodically pulls them up and over her diaper. Each layer proving to me that the time is short with these little ones.

Soon there will be Thursday night study sessions, early morning omelets before seminary, and late nights waiting to here all the details of our oldest headed to his first Prom.


I love being a mother.

I do.

I know I'm not great at it, but I am pretty good, and hopefully my children will make up the difference by who they are and who they will become.

Here is to life, and the chance to love...

And a little bye-bye picture to the bottle!

Just a glimpse...into the good crazy!

Life is crazy around here!

Not the crazy, you-wish-it-would-stop crazy.

The crazy that has you supporting one child here, another one there.  Lots of homework, chores, reading, food, and of course...laundry.

It is also the crazy kind where you have siblings watching a choir concert featuring another, quiet moments of love that you would miss if you didn't take the time to witness it, and the realization that your baby is closer to toddlerhood than birth!

The empty box above is a fun example of our crazy.

I got these cookies from Costco, opened them at the house, and handed one to Annie.

As I handed her one, I realized that it was really quite hard.  These cookies weren't cheap, so I decided I would return them or exchange them for ones that weren't so hard.  I set them aside yesterday to return, and this is what I found by morning.

Not a single one left.

I guess, when you have walked home from the bus stop and you want something sweet, you make it happen.

This picture was taken place in the morning after the first wave of kids had headed off to seminary and school.

These sleeping beauties just kept sleeping.

I opened the curtains and the blinds.

I sang them the BYU fight song.

Nothing.

They were exhausted.

This seems to happen a lot lately.  The good crazy has caused us to L-O-V-E our sleep!  

John is often heard saying, "One of these days, we are all just going to sleep all day."

Keep dreaming sweetie.

I know this is just a cereal bowl to you, but to me, it was a very sweet, almost silent, moment in the midst of a busy morning.

Our kids never eat cereal.  Ok, almost never.

John occasionally buys some generic Fruity Pebbles to get crazy, but not everyday.

But, this morning, I was getting out the pancake mix, and found a huge box of Reeses Puffs.

So I tried an experiment.

I set it out with bowls, spoons and milk and magic happened.

My kids ate cereal before school!

Breakfast usually consists of breakfast casseroles, oatmeal, bacon straight out of the oven (yes, the oven!  So easy, and LOVE it), and pancakes, etc.

But, this morning, Madie and A.J. sat in silence, only the clanking of their spoons on the side of their overfilled cereal bowls.

They ate and ate.  I sat there with a lighter breakfast load, and had time to think about the fact that these two won't be in our home much longer.

They will be headed to bigger and better things than Reeses Puffs.

I miss them already!

After years of a broken dresser in another room, Brooke got a new dresser.

This may sound like no big news to everyone else, but this dresser situation has been adding to the crazy.

The drawers kept breaking, the clothes were never put away, and Brooke could never be successful in the laundry battle.

Now, she is a happy camper!

And so am I!!

Somehow this picture was captured in this set of glimpses in our life right now.  I was going to just delete it, but I thought I would give an A.J. football update.

A.J. is so excited to have his senior year of football.

He has waited very patiently to get in there and do his thing.

He is busy with baseball and school, but he has his eyes set on summer.

Not for sun and surf like most teenage boys, but for football in full swing.

He has been throwing with his receivers, and working out to maximize what he has been given.

I love him.

I love his desire to be great.

I love his humility when I ask him direct questions about his abilities.

He puts on a confident face, which is good, by he is relying on good ole' fashioned hard work.

This is just a fun moment with Annie.

John received a package today that contained bubble wrap.

And, as everyone knows, bubble wrap is the most exciting thing that can come in the mail to a four year old!

Look at that smile, and that sweet dimple.

I love Miss Annie.

This basket above was what John got in that bubble wrapped box.

It is the proof that John rocks at what he does.

He not only supports this huge crew, he does an award-winning job at it!

He and I get to go to Catalina Island!!!

This fun evening continued with kiddos doing a variety of things.

I love how telling it is of the adventures of our family!

Ellie was practicing piano above, while Annie took an extra roll of crescent rolls from dinner, and made her own little "biscuits" in her own little kitchen!

GO ANNIE!  You are going to be an amazing mom someday!

Easton relaxed on the couch, catching up on social media...

And the treats from the cancelled New Beginnings :(  were enjoyed by all!

The next day Ellie had a choir concert that we headed to.

The little girl above accompanied the choir.  To say that it was impressive would be the understatement of the year.

She was INCREDIBLE!

So was the choir!  They did an entire performance of Disney songs.

It was so amazing that John did not look at the program to count how many were left after each number. (Ok he did, but it really was good)

This choir teacher should seriously win an award.

She is incredible!

She loves what she does, and it shows.

Thank you Mrs. Wurst! (So not the "worst", the complete opposite!)

Ellie was surrounded by love!

Love you sweetheart! 

Life is crazy.

The good kind.

I love being a mother.  

I love that I get to be here when they leave to face the world, and I love that I am here when they come home to the safety of our home.

I even love the laundry.