Quiet Nights

Sometimes, late at night, when the loves of my life are all tucked in and John has even fallen asleep ahead of me, I can't sleep.

Sometimes, it is because I am worried about something.

Sometimes, it is because I am worried about someone.

Sometimes, I can see everything that needs to get done.

And sometimes, it is just plain insomnia.

But tonight...I am sitting here thinking of everything I am grateful for.

This past Sunday, I was teaching the 16 year-olds, and I asked them how their prayers were going.

I told them that my prayers are much different this August than last August.

Last August, I cried myself to sleep.

Last August, I had little Annie growing inside me, with only time to tell me if she would look up at me at her birth or if she would go straight home like Gabrielle and Sam.

Last August, my sweet husband was up at 5am looking for a job and came to bed long after my pregnant body could stay awake.

Last August, I was constantly thinking of how to really help a sister who needed more than I thought I was capable of giving.

Last August, my heart-ached for my 8 year-old who still could not read.

Last August I just didn't know how to do it.

But last August, I remember my prayers.

I pleaded with the Lord for everything.

My loving husband, my pre-teen daughter, my son with his new priesthood, my whining daughter, my four-year-old, my struggling reader, the sister up the hill, the sister across the field, my parents, the siblings I love and their families, the baby inside, my kind presidency, and many others.

I spent TIME on my knees.

That time is what made me apply the Atonement in my life.

The Atonement isn't just for our mistakes, it is also for our pain, our weakness.

I will forever be grateful to a loving brother who bore it all for me...and my family...and my sisters...for us all.

On this quiet night, I remember last August, and I will forever be grateful for all those tender mercies and His love for me.