We miss you Gabby...but dream of someday!

Instagram picture of the month...My beautiful children celebrating the memory of their little sister, Gabrielle.

Even as I posted this picture that sweet day, I would have no idea how the whole day would play out.

We went with daisies in hand, wrapped in ribbon by Ellie, to be together where her tiny body lay.

But when we arrived, just pure sweetness greeted us.

Not sadness.

Just the quiet of a peaceful day.

The girls and Easton wandered around sharing stories they read off the other gravestones nearby. 

Stories of short lives of real little ones with family that missed them.

There were babies that were here for months, a few that shared a year with their families, but most just one day.

The perfectly engraved stones bore a name and one date.

The day their little one came here to earth...the same day their spirit went home.

Not to a home full of the smell of newly laundered baby clothes and patterned blankets.

Not to the home with the bassinet sitting empty by the bed of loving parents.

But their home above.

That is where our sweet Gabrielle is...usually.

But not today.

July 26th, this year, was filled with a day of sharing time with her here with us in spirit.

There were signs of her everywhere.

We felt her everywhere.

We missed her.

We love you Gabby!

 These two pictures were taken within seconds of each other.

Did not change the setting on the camera.

Did not turn on the flash.

Just heaven, right here with us, sharing the picture with us.

 My favorite picture of the day!

Look at her gentle hand on the hand of that big sister.

Pure joy!

 As we loaded up in the car, Annie wandered back over to Gabby's bench.

She was fixated on the silver burial box, and would not leave the flowers on the bench.

She wanted them as close to her sister as possible, so she took them and laid them below.

It was beautiful.

And real.

I am grateful for this beautiful family that I have.

The ones who challenge me every day, and the ones I miss everyday.

The ones I get the opportunity to nurture every day, and the ones I will nurture someday.

Most of all, I am grateful for the opportunity to be together forever!

Tiny Tym, Tymmie Two Step...Tymber Julia

The time is flying by!

I wish everything would just slow down, so that I can literally breathe in these moments of being a mother of this 1 year old, and all the other ones that love on her each day.

I love recording our life, but I get too caught up making sure the pictures are loaded, edited, and all-inclusive.

I am missing it.

The opportunity to record our life each day.

So, here is to capturing our life.  Raw. Unedited. And maybe sometimes without the perfect pic.

I have a dear friend moving away today, so I want to send her off with memories of her life here, but today I'm sharing Tymber's latest obsession of wearing Annie and Ellie's panties to be a "Big Girl."

She is a big girl.  Too big.  She knows too much, and not quite enough to know to watch out for nails on the ground (yesterday's adventure).

I love the layers.  Each one showing how she methodically pulls them up and over her diaper. Each layer proving to me that the time is short with these little ones.

Soon there will be Thursday night study sessions, early morning omelets before seminary, and late nights waiting to here all the details of our oldest headed to his first Prom.


I love being a mother.

I do.

I know I'm not great at it, but I am pretty good, and hopefully my children will make up the difference by who they are and who they will become.

Here is to life, and the chance to love...

And a little bye-bye picture to the bottle!

Beautiful lives....gone for now, but not forever

These are the closest little ones we have to the ages of the sweet children who were lost in Connecticut this last Friday.

My heart aches like so many of yours.

These beautiful and innocent little children.

I remember having a dream once about one of my children.

It was not a dream, but rather my worst nightmare.

In the dream, my little son was racing ahead of me on the stairs. 

Any of you who know any of our children, will realize ,that this would not be unusual.

They each have a passion for life, and an innate sense of adventure and competition.

In this dream, he would race up each flight of stairs, and then wait for me on the landing.

Floor by floor we climbed, in what seemed to be, the tallest building ever.

With each set of stairs conquered, that sweet boy would turn around and smile at me.

I told him once more, "Be careful and wait for mommy."

As we approached the next set of stairs, something was different.

This time, there was no elevator door at the opposite side of the landing.

This must have increased my son's curiosity as to why this floor was different.

So instead of turning around and waiting for me, he walked over to where the elevator should be.

As I reached the landing, I watched in horror as he fell into the empty elevator shaft.

I ran over screaming, and woke myself up before hearing his sweet body land on the shaft's floor.

It was a nightmare.

Maybe one that someone else has experienced before.

But that morning, when I awoke, my heart physically heart.

I could feel a pain and pressure unlike anything I have ever experienced.

I just lay there, paralyzed myself from the entire, unreal experience.

I thought about it for days, and maybe even into the next week.

The pain felt real, and the loss, tangible.

LAST FRIDAY, those parents must have felt a pain that must have been unbearable.

Except their's wasn't based on a subconscious level, it was real.

My heart breaks for their loss.

I know that sadness of knowing that the memories of your life with that child are over.

There is no opportunity to create more dreams with them, only the promise of seeing them in the eternities.

I pray for each of their families.  The ones who lost their mother, or their brave sister, and each of these little ones.

May we all be more loving and forgiving.

And may their sweet spirits have the opportunity to comfort their own families somehow.

I know that there is life after death.

I know it.

I know that these parents, siblings, and children of those that were taken that day, will see them again.

They all lived beautiful lives, and will wait for a time, and then be reunited.

That is my belief, and the only thing that keeps me going when I think of our own losses.

I am thankful to my Savior for making forever possible in my family's forever.