Invisible Mothers

I have a sweet friend who is a single mom to three boys. She works all day and then takes very good care of these three. Often her twin boys ride the home with our 10 year old, and hang at our place until she comes to pick them up.

This is the mom who sees me at the most difficult time of every day. Between 5 and & 6pm!

This is the time when I am usually just trying to keep a smile on my face and keep pushing through. I am trying to balance helping with homework, finishing dinner, running kids to and from practices, and usually trying to listen to each and every one of their "exciting" moments of the day.

She has often arrived when one of the "plates" I am trying to juggle have fallen.

It may be a puppy that is wandering the neighborhood because they slipped out an open door, or cleaning up a mess from the baby, or maybe just watching me keep my head above water.

She never judges.

She never says, "You just are not doing well."

She just picks up a washcloth and wipes the counter, or takes one of my girls by the hand and asks about their day, or just sits and talks to me as I finish dinner.

She doesn't have to.

She has her own dinner to make for her family. I am certain she has her own exhausting stories to tell about her court cases for the day.

But still, she listens.

I have often wondered as she loads up her wonderful boys, "What must she think of me?" That crazy woman her boys want to be around.

Yesterday she sent me this: (I am certain we have all seen this once or twice floating around our email box), but yesterday it meant the world to me.

Invisible Mother.....

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!?

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it. And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.

No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become. At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're going to love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know... I just did. The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. This is beautiful and makes a ton of sense. To all the wonderful mothers out there.
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I am in much debt to my invisible Mother..

So, today I would like to share this with all of YOU, "Invisible Mothers."

I know that the Lord sees what we are doing and believes in us.

He has showed us the plan, and this is one of our parts of that marvelous plan.

To nurture, to love and to create!

One of my favorite talks by Julie Beck is Mothers Who Know. (www.lds.org)

I love how she lets us know that the Lord values what we are doing above all else.

Among many beautiful things, she gives these points and I just want to reiterate them today.

MOTHERS WHO KNOW BEAR CHILDREN

Whether we have born all of our children ourselves, have been privileged to adopt a child into our lives, or just mother those children around us, we have been blessed. I know that as I embark on welcoming our seventh child, I am reminded daily of how much love each child needs. I am grateful that I have been able to fulfill my dream of having a home full of children, but I also know what work it requires. I also know the pain of bearing a child that I will not raise in this life. I know that this blessing is a privilege.

MOTHERS WHO KNOW HONOR SACRED ORDINANCES AND COVENANTS

How could we not honor those sacred ordinances and covenants and make it? I don't know about you, but if I didn't have the blessings of fidelity, honesty, and the Holy Ghost (just to name a few), I could never do this. I rely on the peace that comes from righteous living. I rely on the Spirit that some days guides my every move. I am so grateful for the promises that come from these covenants with the Lord, and his sacrifice that makes being with my family FOREVER possible.

MOTHERS WHO KNOW ARE NURTURERS

I love that Sister Beck says that it doesn't only mean nurturing our children, but it also means using our homemaking skills and sharing them with our children. A house of order is a seriously "underrated" thing these days. I know this for a fact. I have seen it. I have been privileged to help others organize their lives and homes, and I see the change in the mother as she makes her home a house of order. I have seen countless husbands and children as their eyes lit up at their home being orderly. Almost like a wave of peace and relief.

MOTHERS WHO KNOW ARE LEADERS

There is a blog that I have recently "fallen in love with." Don't tell John, because I don't want him to feel shorted, but I have literally found happiness in my mornings as I have read the things this mother has shared with the world and her family. If you want a peek, check out www.71toes.blogspot.com. This mother is a leader in her home and her community. She is constantly trying to become better. She learns from those around her and shares what she has learned and applied. She is the kind of mother who is an example to all of what an incredible drive to serve her family can produce. Thank you Shawnie for seriously being "contagious!"

MOTHERS WHO KNOW ARE TEACHERS

I love that we can be teachers to our children. We can influence them on everything on how we treat people around us, to how we pray, and many more things. I love the moments when I take the time to stop what I am doing, and teach one of my children something. A few years ago my children had an elderly bus driver who seemed to be grumpy EVERY single day. He never greeted the children with a hello, never smiled and never had anything nice to say. I watched each day as our children loaded and unloaded from his bus. I waved, I smiled...but nothing. I told the kids to just be good and it would all be ok. As the months went on, I could see this man's long face and wanted to help. Both for his sake and our kids. One day as we jumped right in the car to head to a practice, they were particularly upset because he had been so mean. Then out of nowhere, the "mom moment." The moment where you know just what to say, and it is received on the other end. I proceeded to talk to them about the fact that this man was as old as their Papa. How do you think Papa would feel everyday if he had to wake well before the sun, drive to the bus station and warm up the bus, and then go around picking up teenagers who were may have been disrespectful, young children who were loud and wouldn't stay in their seats and he had to do it everyday? There minds got it. I could see the sadness for him in their eyes. What could we do as a family to make his life better? We brainstormed for a short while, and then decided to try it. It was magic! That man took less than a week to get a smile out of. He waved to me on the porch, and on a few occasions, waited several minutes as we looked for missing shoes or backpacks. That teaching moment was a success! They are not always so successful, but they are certainly worth doing.

MOTHERS WHO KNOW DO LESS

What is the saying, "Less is more." Amen brother! But how hard is that to really practice? We all want to accomplish so much. We are all overacheivers in some way or another. I just have to ask myself, usually everyday, what is most important. Do that! Follow the Spirit!

MOTHERS WHO KNOW STAND STRONG AND IMMOVABLE

I am often asked, "How do you do it with so many kids?" My response usually is, "Not well." I may not be doing it well, but I am doing it. Every day I try. Every day I try to be better. Everyday I wake up loving being a mother, and determined to be there for my family. I am always happy to report to strangers how much I love being a mother to so many. It is hard work, and I will never will a prize or accolades, but I will see my children as they grow into these amazing people I know that they are destined to become. I can't wait to see each of my daughters as they bear children of their own. As each one of the children report home after their missions. Even the really small things, like watching the 7 year old teach the baby how to put her pjs on.

I love being a mother. I love the trials that make me want to improve and the successes that seem to push me to keep going.

I am thankful to all the examples around me that I can learn from. You probably have no idea the influence you are in my lives, but you are. You make me want to be the mother who takes care of her body so I am strong enough to care for them. You make me want to be the mother that cuddles in bed with them each night as we read bedtime stories. You make me want to be the mother that records and shares my feelings about this sacred calling. Thank you!

Laura